forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
