For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
