So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
