R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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I just blew my weed a kiss
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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