she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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