Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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