"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
