i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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