we have officially lost it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
