I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize