So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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