why didn't you poke me back
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
