she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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