so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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