Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
