Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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