omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
