i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
