I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i think my cat just said my name.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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