I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
