Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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