i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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