I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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