the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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