shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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