last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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