about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
