Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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