Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
