why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We smell like vodka and hangover
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