Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
