I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
