Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
