dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
