I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
