i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
