I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
