My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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