planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
