I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I didn't notice because vodka
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
