I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
