Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
