Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
