Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
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i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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