Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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