How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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