Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
