you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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