I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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