omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
3pm strippers are depressing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
