Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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