Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
sex in a hospital.. check
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
