I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this just has baby written all over it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
