sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
