You were right. It hurts to walk today.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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