At least make sure they are 18
Why
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well you can't waste a boner
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
