I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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