Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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