I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
