I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
