so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
