i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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