Please, let me fuck your mom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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