Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
