cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
