Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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