At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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