you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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