And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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