Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
