My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
