thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
