seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
