winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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