Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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