my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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