In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
