babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
