ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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