Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
