I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
