just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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