My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
