I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
